The Future. Of Snacks.

If I don't write something soon, Molli is gonna throw a whole bunch of meaningless threats in my direction, so FINE. I will post, but it will be a LAZY post as I experiment with my pie crusts and GF scone recipes. (See? I'm doing stuff. I don't have to tell you everything.)

So what I need to talk about you right now is PepsiCo's new motto.

"We see the emerging opportunity to ‘snackify’ beverages and ‘drinkify’ snacks as the next frontier in food and beverage convenience."

WHAT!? Why is this even a thing? I appreciate wordplay, but can you use this in a sentence without cracking up?

Me - "Molli, could you please drinkify my snack? Also, my beverage needs to be snackified."
Molli - "Did you have shots of espresso instead of dinner again? What's wrong with you!?"

Or maybe more accurately,
Molli - Blank stare. Hand smack.

See? Doesn't work.

But speaking of drinks and snacks. Some gluten free snacks are self explanatory, like corn chips and fruit & veggies and slices of cheese. So I'm not even going tell you the boring everyday snacks that everyone knows. Boring. Instead, I will share with you some of my favorite *damn hippie food* snacks.
*Roommate's words.

• I love love broiled kale.Buy kale. Wash it with fruit & veggie wash to remove pesticides. Remove stems. Break it into smaller pieces, and lay it out on a baking sheet you've generously swiped with olive oil. Sprinkle sea salt. Broil at 400 degrees for about 10-12 minutes, until you see the edges start to brown. The kale will be crispy, like chips. Let cool, then save in a waterproof container. Best if eaten within a day or two.

• For a variation, or to be lazier, you can buy baked seaweed at Trader Joes or Asian grocery stores. If you like sushi wrapping, you will like this. I like crunchy salty things, and this is much healthier.

• Or if you're like "Ugh! Green stuff! Gross!" Well then fine. Try THESE. Packaged snap pea crisps. They're HARDLY green, and taste especially of mildly cheesy potatoes.

• Trader Joes and Walmart have started selling freeze dried fruit. I have mixed feelings about this, because the pineapple kind hurts my teeth, but it's ASTRONAUT FOOD!

• Also, see: larabars (I believe they are all GF, but they state it directly on the package). These are delicious ground up fruit and nut bars. My favorite are cashew cookie and chocolate chip cookie dough.

• Popcorn. With nutritional yeast! Ha, and you thought I was going for boring snacks, then you read the yeast part. But seriously. Nutritional yeast (not brewer's yeast) tastes nutty and cheesy. It is full of B 12 vitamins, and so very good for you. I worked at a camp where we had a jar of this stuff, and the teenagers FOUGHT over it. They called it hippie dust, which made it much cooler to fight over. (I like popcorn with yeast and butter. I have nothing against butter, or fat. I'm not trying to make you skinny. I want to make you happy and healthy. But get butter without hormones.)
  

• My favorite drink. I know what you thinking - drinks don't have gluten! But that's where you're wrong! Drink mixes sometimes do. It's a horrible trick. Sometimes I long for the chemical goodness of other people's childhood (I wasn't allowed much koolaid). For a substitute, make hibicus tea. It is a bright bright red pink, but no red dye #5! Brew it strong, and it comes out super fruity. Add stevia for a sugar free, calorie free, cancer free sweetener. (Remember stevia is MUCH sweeter than sugar, so add a little bit at a time. Which reminds me. Once, one of my friends poo-pooed that sweetness of stevia and cracked open a packet and poured the whole thing on his tongue to prove me wrong. In a couple seconds, a terrible pinched look on his face, he ran to my sink to spit a lot. He is such a polite and upstanding young man who doesn't spit in kitchen sinks, which made it much more fun to witness for me.) Anyway, give this beverage to small children and watch their faces ooze delight. Pat yourself on the back for how tricky you are.

What We Need Is Some Sunshine!

This time of year is always the worst for me. I live outside of Philly, and January through March tends to be cold, wet, and dark. The holidays are over, and people seem to slip into that post-Christmas over-eating, over-spending stupor, where nobody has the money or the inclination to go out, and the weather threatens to kill you in a slippery icy death if you do. It's so depressing. And comfort foods like thick stews and mac n' cheese and pie just seem to add to the malaise.
So it's around this time of year that I start craving salads, especially anything with citrus, or red and orange veggies. Things that taste like sunshine.
This salad is another Greek origin dish, and it really is my favorite. Salads are awesome, but I find lettuce disagreeable on a philosophical basis. I like salads of more substance, and this is a great one to use as a base. At the end I'll give you some ideas on how to modify it to accompany certain moods or dishes.


Basically, all you need is some Tomatoes, Cucumbers, Fresh Basil, Minced Garlic, Salt, Pepper, and Extra Virgin Olive Oil, and Balsamic Vinegar.
I know I usually tell you ingredient amounts, but salads are very subjective. Maybe you like a lot of cucumber, and just want some tomato for color. Maybe you are all about the tomato, and just want the cucumber for a little crunch. I dunno. I'm not the boss of salads.
Anyways, there are some steps to combine everything that are good to follow to maximize the taste and texture of your veggies, so once you decide how much of everything you want, follow these steps to prepare:

When choosing tomatoes: try to get locally grown whenever you can. It just makes sense. The fresher your tomato, the more vitamins and nutrients it retains, and the better it tastes. For salads, I would avoid Beefsteak tomatoes. These are wonderful for sandwiches and burgers, but they are a little watery and weak-tasting for a tomato based salad. Id' stick with Roma or Cherry Tomatoes for best flavor. If you're using Cherry Tomatoes, just cut them in half, for Romas, I suggest round slices about 1/4 of an inch thick.

I like to dice the cucumbers for a pleasing contrast in shapes, but that's just me. If you're buying organic, non-wax cucumbers, leaving the skins on will add a nice color, a bit of texture, and a decent amount of fiber and nutrients, but in all honesty, if you don't have the money to spend on organics and get the regular sort of store produce, peel your cucumbers before you slice them. The skins of these often contain pesticides that are no good for you, and the wax they put on them, while safe, is unpleasant, and often makes the skins (and your salad) very bitter. So, non-organic cucumbers need to be naked. Moving on!

Once you have your veggies chopped, season them with some salt, fresh cracked pepper, and minced garlic, as per your tastes. Just toss all that stuff together in a bowl. Add to that your extra virgin olive oil. You want just enough to coat the veggies, about 1 teaspoon per cup of salad is a good guide. Toss all that with your fresh basil. Only use the leaves and keep them whole. Again, tastes vary, but I'd go with a handful of basil for every 2 cups of salad.

Keep slightly chilled until you are ready to serve. You may want to add your balsamic to the salad at the same time that you add the oil, but that has a tendency to stain the veggies, so I like to drizzle the vinegar right before serving, and that way everyone gets the amount of vinegar they prefer.

And that's it! Easy Peasy. Now, here are some quick ways to jazz up that basic salad to suit your meals.

Greek Style: Add chopped Red Onion, a bit of Oregano, and some Feta Cheese. My favorite. Or, if you want to be SUPER fancy, go for some Kalamata Olives as well.

Italian Style: Some seasoned Mozzarella Balls cut in half is all you need. Or you can convert into a bangin' Bruchetta by dicing all the veggies small, and serving on top of grilled crustini. drizzle with the balsamic and sprinkle with shredded Parmesan.

Southwest Style: Try adding some diced Avocado, Jalapeno, chopped Cilantro and a little bit of lime juice

Asparagus: Toss in some chopped green onion and some blanched asparagus for some vivid green and added crunch. An addition of toasted pine nuts and Chevre or other smooth goat cheese is true decadence!

As you can see, a very versatile salad. I hope it helps to add some summer to your table in the dark months. Now, I gotta go buy some Feta...

Chrissy P's Perfect Meatball Soup

For a while, I had the good fortune to live with some Greek Goddesses.

3 of the 4 sisters were amazing cooks, (The third had to call her mom at the astounding age of 23 to ask how you could tell if water was boiling. She had other gifts.) and I was the spoiled and greedy recipient of all sorts of rich and exotic ethnic recipes passed down from Ya-yas, and Mamas and Theas.

However, my favorite thing hands down was Youvarlakia Avgolemono, which is ricey meatballs in a lemon-egg broth.

This is the perfect soup. It's hot and filling in the winter, but light and refreshing in the summer. It's flavors are familiar enough to be comforting, yet surprising enough to be exotic, and the recipe is simple to prepare quickly.

 

My friend Chrissy used to make this soup for Scott and I on a bi-weekly basis, and when I discovered my gluten allergy, she immediately set out to modify the recipe so that I could still have it.  Then she and I modified it further to make it more healthy, so the following really is an original recipe for Chrissy's soup, rather than Youvarlakia Avgolemono, however if you'd like to try the traditional recipe here is a good example.

Alright! Onwards to cooking!

1 lb Ground Turkey

1/2 cup White Rice

1/2 cup Corn Meal

1/3 cup Ground Flax Seed

2 Small Carrots, finely chopped

1/2 cup chives, VERY finely chopped and divided in half

2 tbsp Minced Garlic

1 tbsp Spicy Brown Mustard

1 tbsp Fresh Oregano, finely chopped (or 2 tbsp dried and crushed)

1 tbsp Fresh Basil, finely chopped (or 2 tbsp dried and crushed)

1 1/2 tbsp Fresh Dill, finely chopped (same if dried)

3 tbsp Fresh Spearmint, finely chopped (4 tbsp dried and crushed)

Parmesan Cheese

6-8 Cups of Chicken Broth 

 

5 eggs

1 Cup of Lemon Juice

Salt and Pepper to taste

In a large mixing bowl, combine turkey, cornmeal, rice, flax and carrots. Season with half the chives and all the herbs. Add 2 eggs, garlic and spicy mustard and mix thoroughly.

In a very large pot on the stove, heat 6-8 cups of chicken stock. While stock is heating, take meatball mix and roll into balls.

*NOTE* The rice and cornmeal will make the meatballs expand a LOT. As a size guide, roll the balls so that their diameter is about the width of the top of your thumb, from the tip to your first joint.

As you roll the balls, drop them into the broth.
Simmer on Medium-low heat, gently stirring occasionally, for about 45 minutes, or until all the rice is cooked. Remove from heat.

In a separate bowl, beat the remaining eggs, slowly adding the lemon juice.

Slowly, at about a tablespoon at a time, beat in some of the stock from the pot, until the eggs are warmed up.

Slowly add the egg mixture to the pot, stirring continuously. Make sure the pot is off the heat! If the pot is too hot, the eggs will cook and the soup will curdle, ruining the silky finish (Still tastes amazing though, so if you mess this up your first go round- like I totally did -fear not! You haven't ruined anything!)

Ladle into serving dishes and garnish with grated Parmesan, fresh cracked pepper, and remaining chives.

Best when served with a hearty, crusty bread (for those that can) and tomato salad.

A really cool thing

To cheer you up in case you got sad about sandwiches:

Upsidedown Beer dispensery.

Yay for inventions!

Oh Sandwich! I Pine for Thee!

You will never get a sandwich like this on Gluten Free bread.

So, NPR has this thing called "Sandwich Monday," which is a way to alert all of pseudo-intellectual liberal America where to get the best sandwiches. 
It's secondary function is to make me cry every single Monday.


The absolute most worst thing about having to  be Gluten Free, is the dismal fact that you will never really truly be able to enjoy a sandwich ever again. 

Yep. That's about the best you can do.

The problem is bread. 
Even if you happen to find a bread that you can actually afford that actually tastes good and won't completely fall apart upon trying to remove it from its often ridiculous packaging, the bread is SO tiny, that is simply will not hold a substantial sandwich of any sort. 










Sure, the perfect kindergarten lunch box PBnJ is totally within your grasp. Cucumber and Cream Cheese finger sandwiches with the crusts cut off for High Tea? No problem!

But you just try a cheddar bacon cheese burger with lettuce, tomato, pickles, and see where you end up: with a perfectly good bacon cheese burger now wrapped in ruined, condiment-slimed lettuce liberally sprinkled with spongy, soggy crumbles of what 2 moments ago a bright plastic package assured you was a "White Hamburger Roll," or else this monstrosity:

And they were really TRYING to make this look good!

 Blech! 

The saddest cheese ever grilled

Seriously, look how depressed these GF sandwich attempts are:  


Is it me, or does that ham we see wedged between "Bread" look ashamed of itself?


                                                                                  

                                                                                 

The Legendary Philly Cheese Steak

The Italian Hoagie, a Philly Favorite

Suffice to say,  you can totally forget about Philly Cheese Steaks,Italian Hoagies, Meatball Subs,  Chili Cheese Dogs, Monte Cristos,  Rubens, The Turkey Club (King of Sandwiches!) everything featured on Sandwich Monday. Seriously. Even a plain old egg salad on rye is an impossibility. 

And it's wrong. Just plain wrong. Sandwiches, as you know, are the most perfect food ever invented by people. And it is exceedingly cruel to deprive an entire percentage of the population with the most perfect food group just because no one has yet managed to develop a decent sandwich bread. 

The Meatball Sub

Monte Cristo

Classic Chili Cheese Dog with Onions

The Reuben

King of Sandwiches!

The Humble, yet Delicious, Egg Salad on Rye

What I can't figure out is why. I used to buy into the hype that GF bread is just an exceedingly difficult, expensive, and exacting process that renders it virtually impossible, and therefore we all just have to settle and  make due with what we have. 

But after my cookie discovery, (I was going to blog about this first, but Sandwich Monday distracted me. But the gist of it is: 1 Extra egg. 1 additional egg to whatever your recipe, be it a box mix or Internet find, is all the difference between weird, crumbly, dry-textured GF cookies and regular fucking delicious proper cookies! I'm still investigating this egg conspiracy, but I'll get back to you on it soon) I have become exceedingly skeptical. 

I highly suspect the GF community of being 1) lazy, 2) pushovers and,  3) allowing people with additional allergies beyond gluten to ruin things for those of us with only 1 severe allergy. 

Ok, people who cannot eat eggs, dairy, nuts, etc. YES my heart goes out to you. But I CAN eat eggs, so why should I have crumbly cookies? Seriously. 

And while I'm ranting, I am sick and tired of paying 7-10 $ for bread that no person without allergies would pay 5 cents for.  Making someone pay 4X the cost of a regular loaf of bread for a loaf of GF bread that is 1/3 the number of slices and 1/2 the size per slice and only tastes "meh" is just wrong on so many levels. 

So, all that being said, it is my mission, my life's obsession, if need be, to discover or invent a delicious, pleasingly textured, appropriately sized, reasonably priced, proper sandwich bread.

Meem (Our obnoxious and affectionate word for my mother) has agreed to contribute a bread machine to the cause, and I am excited! Because when I finally figure it out, sandwiches will once again be available to all, Noelle will once again be able to concoct me the cheesy, melty, tomato-y brilliant things she used to make me on cold winter midnights, and one day, one day!! We WILL be featured on Sandwich Monday. 


This I vow. 

Happy New Year!

...unless you follow the Chinese New Year, in which case we'll get back to you in February.

The air is full of celebration! Or in other cases, cynicism and general pissed-off-ness. I understand, scrooges of the world. When looking at magazines and news coverage, the world seems grim indeed.

I go through brief moments where I have conversations with myself like " 'Jersey shore - the show' represents America?! What kind of people have we become?" Then I think of the plasticky women with the inflatable lips (for sexayness, you know) and that guy from Girls gone wild who almost went to jail then didn't, and the Kardashians happy holiday Christmas card...


Merry Christmas, ya poor fuckers!

And then my mind reaches that flow state where everything is hilarious.

Because the Romans had vomitoriums, and in the 1800's ladies passed out from lacing up their whole bodies in constrictive garments and having group seances instead of selling Tupperware, and there used to be fake doctors selling snake oil aplenty in pretty poisonous bottles before the pharmaceutical industry ever came into the picture. So what I'm saying is, people have always been crazy, and life is completely weird, and it'll probably always be. There's nothing to do but enjoy a tiny woman being dropped in a giant ball.

See? I wasn't being metaphorical.

Here's a recipe for GF corn dogs to go with that. Keep it classy.

• 1 cup Gluten Free Corn Meal
• 1-1 ½ cup Gluten Free Bisquick
• 2 eggs(beaten)
• 1 TBSP Sugar
• 1 cup Milk (you can use soy, almond, etc)
• Hot Dogs
• Sticks (optional)

Directions

Heat the oil for frying to about 350 degrees.

In a bowl add Corn Meal, Sugar, and 1 cup Gluten Free Bisquick. Stir together. Whisk in 2 eggs, and 1 cup of milk. The batter will be the consistency of thick pancake batter. If needed add extra bisquick to thicken.

Now place the hot dogs onto sticks, or cut into bite sized pieces.

Once the hot dogs are prepared, roll them in batter until they are covered. Quickly drop them into the oil and allow them to fry about 3-5 minutes until golden brown. You may need to flip them once.

Remove and place on a paper towel lined plate. Serve.

Makes enough batter for 1 package of Hot Dogs.

This recipe was found here - http://afewshortcuts.com/2010/09/gluten-free-corndog - and Molli & I are awfully grateful for it.