I think I may have intimacy issues. Frankly, I don't even want to talk to you about this because I don't know you that well and I'm not ready for this level of knowing each other yet. But I hear normal people say things without thinking, and I've heard it's nice, and at times, refreshing, like a 1980's Coke commercial that features supermodels. *Molli pointed out post-publishing that this supermodel is featuring Pepsi. I always thought it was Coke. Coke is delicious. ...marketing doesn't always work with me.*
Anyway. Today at work, I announce I'm going to the grocery store (because we're a small office and can & do announce everything), and I'd forgotten my lunch. Unless you count the crackers and chocolate covered peanuts I accidentally brought because I forgot to clean out my purse. Which I don't. So. I tell everyone I'm going to Harris Teeter, and Officemate Mr. C pops in with, "What, why aren't you walking to Lowe's?" Because you have to drive to Harris Teeter, but Lowe's is RIGHT THERE. And I find myself telling Mr. C that the problem is every time I try to go to Lowe's to buy five dollars worth of groceries, they try to force me to get a Lowe's card.
And they don't just suggest either, they try to pull you aside like an evangelist bent on saving your soul (except in this case, pennies are at stake) and make you fill out all kinds of information on a computerized get-a-grocery-card program. Which seems like an efficient streamlined idea, except that I've tried that before. Last time I was at Lowe's, I got pulled aside like a super special VIP customer and watched a steady line of people build up behind me in line as I furiously tried to type my information on the touch screen computer that couldn't quite get any of my letters right. (In fact, I gave up on getting my actual name right and began registering as Nooele Halrjjkst, which I told the grocery store clerk when he asked was of "Norwegian nationality".) Finally finally when they were five people in line behind me I hit "complete" but then the screen froze and the grocery store clerk looked panicked and then restarted the program and asked me to start over. I said no thank you, I will pay that extra dollar I could have saved, thank you.
I intensely dislike being given what FEELS like no choice in these transactions. It doesn't matter if there IS a choice but I have to be weasly to get out of it. Lowe's is all "TAKE A CARD" and I'm all, "But what if I don't want one? Don't you have a store card? Can I try this out before I fill out all this information and then find out it's not for me?"
I'm just not ready for that level of commitment. That's why I like Food Lion in particular as grocery stores go. If they ask for a card and you don't have one, you can use the store card. Sometimes the clerks don't even ask, they just agree silently that you are cardless but also, would like to save money, and help you out by swiping the thing. And see, that's when I think, "Wow, grocery store cards are a novel and amazing idea, maybe I DO want one!" And by the time I've gone to Food Lion three times in a row and experienced savings of at least 36 cents, I've acquired a card on my own - by marching up to the customer service desk and asking for an application - absolutely NO evangelizing necessary!
Food Lion is very low pressure. They don't really give a fuck. It's all, "Oh, you want a card? You can have one. If you want. But you don't have to." Actually, now that I think about it, I think this is why boys who succeed in being in a relationship with me have mostly been the type who don't ask me on dates. They just tell me to show up at a certain place, and then I traipse over there and good times are had by all and I think "oh man, we accidentally made out!" but it turns out that the whole thing was a date only I worried less about what to say and what to wear AND I got to make out. Unfortunately, like a grocery store card, these types of boys also are prone to not giving a fuck.
So I'm trying something different and going to Trader Joe's. There isn't any of this card nonsense. Everyone wears a Hawaiian shirt, and you get a quarter discount for bringing your own bag, and whaddya know - suddenly I'm looking forward to weekly visits with Joe. Baby, I don't need anyone but you.
And on that note - here is an amazing book full of Trader Joes-exclusive ingredients!
http://www.amazon.com/Cooking-All-Things-Trader-Joes/dp/0979938406
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